Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize