I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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