I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
