The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
