i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
That's when you crack a 10am beer
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
