I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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