Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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