my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
