I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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