did you get engaged???
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
