we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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