I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
