you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
