I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
