So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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