Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
