dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We talked him into tasing himself.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
