Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
