I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I would fuck him just for his dog
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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