I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
