I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
