if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
