i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
