i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sext me about skeletons
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