I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize