was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
