im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
