the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
