did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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