I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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