is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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