Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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