..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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