My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
