Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
