I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
