Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
