He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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