so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
