champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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