He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
