Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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