If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
