will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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