i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
