DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
