life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
