He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
