Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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