I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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