he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize