Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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