Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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