i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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