What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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