sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
