Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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