You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
