Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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