Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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