It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize