Is it because I queefed?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
