I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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