Only a mothe r could love this liver
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
