Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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