We're facebook friends in real life
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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