did you get engaged???
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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