fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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