She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize