i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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