When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
