i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
