Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
