You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
