They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
