Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
