checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
