my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
