i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
