I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
