You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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