I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
