I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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