The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
