I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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