I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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