Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
