I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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