Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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