Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Come on in and take your pants off
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