she woke up with a sticky ear
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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