Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
