It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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