I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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