Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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