I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
