The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
