Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
