M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
