If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
