Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
