Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize