i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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