She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
