so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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