GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
