what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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