Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize