I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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