I think my vagina is haunted
The best revenge is premature balding
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
