clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
