You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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