i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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