Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
