I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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